Posted under: Life, Relationships

One of these days, I’ll have a purpose for this blog.

Of course, it will have more of a purpose as soon as I pay my hosting bill… which is as soon as I get paid…

Life is… well, life. I’ve had my ups and downs throughout this year and I’ve just started something new with someone I think is very special, kind, exciting, and definitely has potential to motivate me to better myself more than I try to already. I will admit that I am very scared because in terms of my feelings, there are similarities to how I felt when I first started with Stockton Boy. Yes, the situations are different, but I honestly haven’t felt this way about anyone since him, so yes, I’m quite scared.

However, the difference is this time, I’m definitely trying to communicate more about my issues and if I have fears about anything. I don’t want to end up surprising this new boy with anything and I want him to know how I feel as often as possible. I just really hope I don’t get hurt again.

I’ve already started my last undergraduate year in school. I’m trying to finish up my B.A. in Social Welfare. What I’ll do after college, I’m not sure yet. I know that I definitely want to go into the non-profit sector within the Asian Pacific American community, but in which field (mental health, education, youth, families, etc), I don’t know yet. I feel as if all issues are equally important, but I definitely have to decide where I want to be.

In addition to school, I’ve taken up quite a few roles.

- I’m a mentor for a 6th grader at one of the local elementary schools. She makes me feel old yet nostalgic all at once and I’m happy to see her so vibrant as she is.

- I’m also a co-director for Perspectives, a huge multicultural showcase that the student government puts on every year.

- I’ve also been accepted as one of the 20 pageant contestants for the Miss Vietnam Norcal – Intercollegiate.

- I’m training to be a student-to-student peer counselor where I’d essentially be able to help my fellow peers, students, with their issues ranging from school to relationships to work or whatever their needs are.

And surprisingly enough, I still feel as if I can do more, but when I look at my calendar, I know that I can’t afford to do so. But I’m excited to make this the best year that I have and can’t wait to see how everything turns out.

Miss all of you and I wish I were keeping up better in all of your lives. ♥

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Tags: boyfriend, graduating, relationship, Relationships, scared, school, Social Welfare, Stockton Boy

Posted under: Thoughts

I’m the kind of person who loves to believe in the idea of fate and destiny, but also that you have the power to change it. Either way, I always feel that things happen for a reason, whether it’s a good or a bad thing.

The choices that you make, as little as they are, can change your day, your week, your month, or hell, even a year. Those who’ve watched The Butterfly Effect understand what I mean. Ashton Kutcher’s character makes one change to his past which dramatically alters his present. It’s the same idea that I like to follow, I think.

The thing is that it’s always in hindsight. For example, I chose not to go to the fair this weekend (or next) and instead, I decided to go around different stores looking at laptop models. In doing so, I met someone I hadn’t expected to meet and that completely made my day. Had I gone to the fair, where I probably would have subjected myself to internal awkwardness and a small feeling of indifference, I instead had fun elsewhere.

When I look back on life, there are always the “What Ifs” that pop up. What if I didn’t do this, What if I had? The thing is that for me, I feel as if no matter what choice I make, there’s always something for me to learn. Yes, I have the choice to make everyday decisions, what color to wear, etc, but some things are meant to happen. Maybe I was supposed to meet this person, maybe I wasn’t.

At the end of the day, I can be proud (or not in some cases) of my choices and realize that the lessons I learned will only help me grow as a person.

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Tags: choices, destiny, fate, free will