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Warning: very long blog. I expect you Despair people to read all of it. It might blow to have to read it all, so suck it up.

I think I’m just a bit too idealistic sometimes.

I was looking at wedding dresses because there was a special guide on MSN. I know that I’m going to get married one day, but I’m only going to get married once and never divorce, so whoever is going to be my husband will probably date me for years and years. Anyway, back to the dresses, I’m going to wear white. I know white is supposedly saved for virgins, but fuck that. So it’s going to be white, it’s going to be strapless and have a somewhat bareback. My bridesmaids will all wear a different dress, but the same color, assuming that I can find such a thing. The color isn’t decided yet, but of course something pastel. It’s going to be outside in a rose garden or something. For the ceremony, I’m going to invite the close family and friends; everybody else can show up to the reception. Depending on my budget, I may or may not have a translator at the ceremony (for my parents). It’s going to be in the Spring/Summer. Hopefully, I’ll still have my long hair by then and it’ll be nice and wonderful.

Oh, one more thing, I’m also going to have a somewhat traditional Vietnamese ceremony. That consists of the groom’s family coming to the bride’s family’s house and I think it’s either asking for my family’s blessing or to take me away from my family. I don’t know how to do that part just yet. But the groom’s family has to bring the traditional gifts of fruit, food, a pig, liquor, and whatever else is there. We’ll wear the traditional ao dai and pray to my ancestors. Oh, and as for gifts, I’m just going to say money. I don’t need someone to give me a cheap toaster. I don’t care too much for the amount; if you can give a certain amount, then do so, if you can’t, then that’s fine.

Anyway, that’s a lot of wedding talk and I have years to go before I even need to think about that. Right now, I need to focus on my studies and getting my social life back together. I plan to join a sorority (not a sleazy one), join my culture club, and party a bit once I’m back at school… in addition to all my classes. The one thing I’m not looking for is a relationship. After this whole ordeal, I’m not going to be ready to open up for a while, nor am I going to fall quickly either.

I wonder how nice people think I am sometimes. I try to be, but recently, a friend told me that I have to stop being so nice, to stop feeling as if I need to please people. That doesn’t mean to stop being civil, but to stop being nice when I don’t need to be. I can be mean and I can be evil, but how many people actually know that? A lot of the times I laugh at others’ misery… oh, and at stupid people.

Anyway, enough about my personality. Life update time: I’m meeting new people and all are really great. Oh, I also started doing my Christmas shopping. I currently have ten people on my list, six I’ve already purchased gifts for (none of which are gift cards thankfully), two that are taken care of, and the other two I don’t quite know what to get just yet. Rawr. My poor bank account. Oh well, that’s what my job is for! Lol.

Lately, I’ve been feeling more confident with myself and it’s mostly due to the people I’ve met and the ones I’ve talked to. In my MySpace, my comment box says, “I think Maria is a goddess.” A friend told me that in order to be a goddess, I have to acknowledge the fact that I’m pretty much better than everyone else. There can be “sub-goddesses,” but I’m supreme. That comment made me feel pretty special, so yes, I am a goddess.

So this is long enough and can you believe there’s more?! Actually, there isn’t. I decided to catch up on a few movies and the reviews are underneath. Enjoy!

(more…)

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I just wanted to say that I’m going to take a break from blogging for a while. I’m just not in the mood at the moment to talk about what’s going on since a lot is happening, both really good and really bad. I’ll still be online as I usually am, but nothing about my life will be updated here whatsoever. Hopefully when I return, I will be able to fully present to you what’s going on. I fear that if I give you a bit now, something else will come up, yadda yadda yadda.

So, this is my mini-farewell to you. I wanted to post this so you wouldn’t think that I died or something.

P.S. What happened to that student at UCLA in the library was just horrible, wrong, and so uncalled for. Google it since I’m too lazy to find the link for you.

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Who defines morality? How do you know if something is “right” or “wrong?” Is it wrong because you can hurt someone else either physically or emotionally? Is it wrong because it’s not the best approach to solve a problem? Is it defined by your society? What can be accepted in this country, this culture, could be completely different elsewhere.

So where do you go to find the answer to the morality of your decision? Even if you had good intentions, is it still wrong? Why does it have to be “wrong?” Why does this world, this society, need to have a black and white? A right or wrong, despite the fact that nothing is ever all white or all wrong?

Where do you get your morals from? From your society? From your culture? How do you create your own morals? Do you follow somebody? Some people? Or do you create them yourself? How do you go about making them yourself?

Where is the line???

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‘Cause a girl like me is just a lil’ different from all the rest
And a girl like me never gonna settle for second best

Hmmm. It’s another Monday, another week. I realized today that I’ve got about a little over a month left of school. Yipes. I’ve fallen a bit behind a few things, but I’m catching up.

Life is getting busy now, but not busy enough to neglect my online duties. I’m still active in forums, message boards, and blogs. I haven’t made anything particularly new for the site, but that’s just mainly because I don’t know what else to add now. =P I don’t want to be another person who distributes graphics. I’d rather personalize a graphic and make it special, not generic, that’s why I take requests.

I honestly can’t wait to be back at Cal. I miss that good ‘ol shady city of mine. I’m still looking for housing, but I plan to find and claim one by the end of this week. Lucky me, I’m heading up there this Friday to check some places out and I’m also going to be showing a friend around campus too.

Now, since I want to look for insight and thought in my comments, I leave this question for you: What part of nature do you enjoy the most and why? What feeling does this particular thing invoke in you? Will you ever share it with another, or keep it to yourself for your own retrospection?

While our song is playing its last note
We both know for sure that it’s time to close that door.

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Thirteen Things about Maria

1. Confessing your attraction/love for someone who doesn’t have the same feelings suck.
2. I need to sleep because I’m quite deprived this week.
3. Fuck, it’s cold and my hand is warm. I’ll keep my panties on, thank you.
4. Suckas hella jealous ’cause you diggin’ me. Ooooooh.
5. Smile for the camera!
Ask for the cam whoring pictures if you want
6. Oh. My. God. The O.C. has won my heart in its premiere.
7. House returns!
8. Fucking A. Where are my messages?!?!
9. Downtime is a bitch.
10. Stupid people make me laugh.
11. Reminder to self: never lock bedroom door again.
12. Party hardy!
13. Mmmmm. Hot chocolate with cinnamon.

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