I Think I Can, I Think I Can
14.12.07
Posted under: Changes, Relationships, Thoughts
I’ve been thinking about this for a while now about my current state of mind. See, I know what I have to do to get over this whole break-up thing, right? The thing is, I’m not doing it. For awhile, I kept telling myself (and to others) that I couldn’t do what was needed of me, that I couldn’t do what I knew I should have been doing. However, I feel as if they were easy enough of tasks to do, yet I chose not to do them. Which leads me to conclude that a part of me, which part and why I do not know, but a part of me wants to feel this way. A part of me is refusing to let go and that is causing my current turmoil.
Think about it. How many times have you told yourself that you can’t do something? But you knew that you could do it if you could muster up the strength to do it. Now, it has nothing to do with any other excuse. “I can’t do it because I don’t know how to.” or “I can’t do it because it’s too hard.” The thing is, no one would suggest if one knew that you were not capable of doing the task. Even you wouldn’t lie to yourself and say that it couldn’t be done, unless you said at least not now. It’s the “not now” part that makes a difference. If it’s “not now,” then it’s going to be at some time so what’s stopping from making that “some time” “now?”
It’s because there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to do it. It’s not that you can’t do it; you can actually. You just don’t want to.
I believe that is what I’m going through right now. I know what to do, I have an idea of how to do it, I’m just not doing it. Why, I don’t know yet. I feel that if I keep digging, I’ll find the source for my lack of desire to change and maybe, I will finally be able want to move on.
| 2.8 |
Tags: ability, capability, challenges, Changes, decisions, goals
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Jessica wrote:
Friday, December 14, 2007 @ 1:53 pm GMT-8
I think that a part of all of us wants to hold on to the better things in our lives, and then when these things are gone, we don’t want to accept that they’re gone. But I’m so glad that you’ve decided that you want to move on, and I hope that you find out what’s causing your lack of desire to do so. Good luck with it all!
Anya announced:
Friday, December 14, 2007 @ 6:15 pm GMT-8
I think the part of you that doesn’t want to let go is wherever is considered “the heart” part of your brain.
I don’t know how long you were associated with the person you’re trying to let go of, but possibly somewhere in your mind you think that things can be worked out. Or maybe you just fear that if you move on, that person will move on too.
Good luck handling that. Even though things get hard to bear sometimes, the easy solution is to drown yourself with other people that you love (friends/family). That should help you to not think about the problem too much.
Denisha answered:
Friday, December 14, 2007 @ 6:31 pm GMT-8
Hey Maria!
Thanks for checking out my blog… I believe you covered how I felt in my current post. That’s part of the reason I haven’t finished my personal projects. I’m not as motivated.
Olivia commented:
Saturday, December 15, 2007 @ 11:04 am GMT-8
You’ll find it!
Just a matter of when, lol…
I don’t do “that” as much as I used to. I recently made myself realize that procrastination is a choice. It’s not “who I am”, but rather something I’m choosing to do because of x, y, and z.
Shivon typed:
Saturday, December 15, 2007 @ 4:34 pm GMT-8
Good luck working through your feelings and emotions right now. I hope you can move past this situation.
Julie typed:
Saturday, December 15, 2007 @ 8:16 pm GMT-8
There are certain things you just can’t control easily. Sure, you CAN convince yourself to move on, but it’s hard, it’s a process, and your heart and mind can’t just hit a switch and be over it.
Ashley remarked:
Sunday, December 16, 2007 @ 1:30 am GMT-8
I know this feeling, but I’m not sure if we share the same source. I feel lost sometimes when it comes to being independent, like it’s just too much for me to handle, so I never take that first step. I think it is something we get over on our own time - we sort of wake up one day, kick ourselves, and do what we know we must.
Good luck with everything.
Valorie commented:
Sunday, December 16, 2007 @ 10:25 pm GMT-8
People need time to make “not now” into “now.” It comes down to the simplicity of being emotionally ready for it. Sure, you could do it if you had to, but there always comes a moment when it’s just truly time.
Nan announced:
Monday, December 17, 2007 @ 1:49 am GMT-8
I guess you can come to the conclusion that you can’t force or push it and that you need to let time deal with what’s left. I hope you suddenly will break through the emotional oily sea and come up with a new spark!
Sandra expressed:
Monday, December 17, 2007 @ 2:44 am GMT-8
I’ve been in that kind of state of mind, too. However, I always try to tell myself, “Just try!” and it usually works.
You should try it. If you try, you’ll know that it’s not that you can’t do, it’s that you don’t want to do.
Joana declared:
Monday, December 17, 2007 @ 12:40 pm GMT-8
I think it’s natural that you can’t just “let it go” and walk away like nothing happened. You were deeply and emotionally involved in this relationship, if you could walk away from that like nothing was the matter I would seriously wonder about you. kwim?
btw: You’ve been tagged hun.
Maria voiced:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 10:22 pm GMT-8
Jessie,
Thank you for wishing me luck. I know that I’m going to need to let go at some point, but like I said, I don’t want to just yet.
Maria shouted:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 10:25 pm GMT-8
Anya,
I could try and focus on family and friends, but I feel that it would be better for me if I figured out why I don’t want to let go, fix that, and then drown myself. Nevertheless, it was a good idea to suggest.
As for the person, well, he was a boyfriend I dated for eight months and I fell very hard and very quickly. And he has moved on… I just haven’t yet.
Maria voiced:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 10:28 pm GMT-8
Denisha,
As much as I appreciate you coming all the way to my blog to leave me a comment, I would prefer it if the next time you do so, you could either reply via email or via the contact form since this particular comment has nothing to do with the post whatsoever.
Maria announced:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 10:30 pm GMT-8
Olivia,
I’m a bit confused about the “that” you’re referring to at the moment… But yes, procrastination is a choice. However, to dig a bit further, why do we make that choice? Is it because our task is not interesting to us and if so, why are we doing it? Is it worth doing?
Maria typed:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 10:52 pm GMT-8
Shivon,
I know that in time, I will. But that’s the key point: time.
Maria said:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 11:18 pm GMT-8
Julie,
I wish there was a switch! A switch would make things so much easier, but sadly, there is none.
Maria voiced:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 11:20 pm GMT-8
Ashley,
I wonder when the “waking up” part will come for both of us. My source happens to be the loss of what I feel was a wonderful relationship with a wonderful guy, so I don’t know if that applies to the “independent” part for you, but I can see where our paths may cross.
Maria expressed:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 11:26 pm GMT-8
Valorie,
Yes, feeling emotionally ready is still “not now” for me. I don’t know if I’m putting it off, but I feel that I still need more time.
Maria said:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 11:26 pm GMT-8
Nan,
I want my spark to come soon too!
Maria stated:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 11:27 pm GMT-8
Sandra,
That’s exactly what I was saying! It’s not that I can’t do it, I just don’t want to, but it’s why I don’t want to that I don’t understand just yet.
Maria declared:
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 @ 11:31 pm GMT-8
Joana,
Yeah, I get what you mean. It’s like I would have been Superwoman if I got out unscathed, but unfortunately, I am not Superwoman and maybe… that’s a good thing.
Yes, I saw the tag and it will be included in the next post… whenever that will be.
Sandra answered:
Wednesday, December 19, 2007 @ 6:01 pm GMT-8
You’re gonna see them? Whoa, lucky you! I wish I could catch them on concert~
Wish they will unite not only for the concert :3
Tiffany responded:
Wednesday, December 19, 2007 @ 7:25 pm GMT-8
I’ve definitely had times like that. I can’t offer up any advice though, because I usually just continue to not do what I should be doing. I hope you’re able to get it done and over with though, for your own sake.
Connie stated:
Wednesday, December 19, 2007 @ 11:50 pm GMT-8
Aww, I know how you feel and I hope you get over it soon! Just remember that there are a lot more things up ahead in life; don’t let this break you down.
Mimi wrote:
Sunday, December 23, 2007 @ 2:23 pm GMT-8
I know exactly what you are going through… It’ s really hard, I know… With me, though, the only thing that heals this problem is time. I just do what you are doing until finally I wake up and it doesn’t matter anymore. Sometimes it takes days, sometimes it takes years.
Maria responded:
Monday, December 31, 2007 @ 3:28 pm GMT-8
Sandra,
As much as I appreciate you coming all the way to my blog to leave me a comment, I would prefer it if the next time you do so, you could either reply via email or via the contact form since this particular comment has nothing to do with the post whatsoever.
Maria remarked:
Monday, December 31, 2007 @ 3:29 pm GMT-8
Tiffany,
Well, at least we can understand each other. I’m still trying to get over that personal hump, but I hope that I’ll get there too.
Maria stated:
Monday, December 31, 2007 @ 3:29 pm GMT-8
Connie,
I’ll try not to let it take me down.
Maria replied:
Monday, December 31, 2007 @ 3:41 pm GMT-8
Mimi,
You’re right. All things will take time.