Please Erase My 1.5 Years (14)

17.03.07

Posted under: Relationships

Is it a tragedy to say that you wish you had never been with or met a particular person? Is it sad to say that you almost wish you had never allowed for things to happen the way they did happen with this person?

Unfortunately, I have come to realization that I need to say that.

This person and I had a relationship and during that relationship, I let a lot of things slide. I completely lowered my standards and thought that if I loved him enough, I could look past it. Looking back now, I see that it was a foolish decision to make and I would have been better off without him.

What brought this on was the fact that I could not pull one life-long lesson out of this relationship besides Don’t lower your standards again. In my few relationships, I have been able to apply some lesson to my better being, but with this, I am saddened to say that I regret it.

So here’s my question(s) for you: How do you prevent yourself from ever doing that again? For me, during that time, I had no problem with all of the things that disgust me now. So, how do you know? How do you determine the difference between what is socially acceptable and your personal feelings for something taboo? Looking back, I realize that I’m ashamed and quite disgusted with myself. How do you know? What if at the time, you just don’t care about it? Is love that blinding? Or is it not love, but some manifestation that you’ve created to justify what you’ve done and put yourself through? If you can easily fall out of love, then is it really love? Is it that one true love? For a person who says it more often than she should, how do you know if it’s the one that deserves to hear such precious words?

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Tags: abuse, boyfriend, fear, future, past, rape, reality, relationship

14 Comments »

Stockton Boy typed:

Sunday, March 18, 2007 @ 2:21 am GMT-8

Think about what I just asked you and about how utterly perfect I am.
Mari wrote:

Sunday, March 18, 2007 @ 9:52 am GMT-8

Hindsight is always 20/20. But when you’re in a relationship that’s going nowhere, chances are you already know, you just stopped listening to what your brain and emotions are telling you.

When you regret something, take a look back to see how many times you lied to yourself. “He can change” “It’s me” “I know there has to be something good in this”

Lies to other people can be forgiven, but only you suffer when you lie to yourself.
Aenka voiced:

Sunday, March 18, 2007 @ 12:07 pm GMT-8

I wish we could all learn enough from our mistakes never to make similar ones again. I completely relate to this post, as I was in a 2-year relationship that I thought was great, but now looking back I realize how entirely unhealthy it was. Huh, I guess that’s life. As to knowing who’s the one, I guess the only real answer is time. If the love doesn’t fade, and if you remain feeling the same way, then I guess that’s it.
Julie responded:

Sunday, March 18, 2007 @ 10:51 pm GMT-8

Hmm, I didn’t get an update thinger. Really, I think it’s an important lesson to learn. Even though you might think it would have been better if this hadn’t happened, the fact that it did helps you really appreciate when you find something better.
Anjela remarked:

Monday, March 19, 2007 @ 3:09 am GMT-8

You ask a tough question. But an interesting one. To refer to the beginning of your post, I think it’s more sad to say you wished things to be different with a particular person. At the same time though, I think it’s only natural to think of things like that… hindsight helps us learn, and hopefully to make the next time better. So it can’t really be a tragedy/sad if you learn from your mistakes, because the next person will bring new things to the relationship, and so will you. Nothing should be regretted, as you’ve learned how you feel if you lower your standards to such a level.

How to prevent from doing it again? Try and determine at what point you felt your standards were slipping. while relationships involve give and take, just try and remember how too much giving/lowering made you feel, and use that as a basis for your next relationship. I think love has potential to be very blinding. I find that when I have no idea what to do about something, the best thing is to take a step back and try and see the situation from another person’s point of view. Which sometimes is tough because you have to admit to/consider things you’ve been trying to avoid, or not notice. But when you let yourself think of those things, it does help put your relationship into perspective. In essence, a pros and a cons list. I’m guilty of ignoring bad things myself. It’s so easy to gloss over things that at any other time would make you say ‘hang on, I’m not putting up with that.’ I guess, ultimately, there’s no one way of knowing if it really is love, or what is true love. They may not be the one, but I also think it’s possible to love more than person. Also, I don’t think it’s that easy to fall out of love. You may love someone less at certain times, such as after a fight or something (trivial example, I know), but there’s always bumps. If it makes the other person’s day to hear that you love them, and means a lot to them, I think that’s a good example of love. But that could be just me and my experiences. This post has given me a lot of food for thought. I like it.
Nat Marie shouted:

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 @ 7:19 pm GMT-8

Hm…you know I never thought about it until now. I had a boyfriend who had several quirks about him and they weren’t too good either, and I was like “hey, maybe it will change”. I was blinded by love, and eventually he disappears in thin air. He’s left me bitter, no doubt about it, but now I know that he was just going to get on my nerves in the future so I guess it was for the best.I wouldn’t say that I regret it, it’s more of an awareness. If he doesn’t value personal hygiene, then he isn’t someone I want to be with. If he’s going to go off and cheat on me and completely deny it when I already know,then he’s not for me.
Irene announced:

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 @ 1:04 pm GMT-8

Hindsight is 20/20 and is even more so in romantic relationships, at least in my opinion. Even though you may realize that you’re in a “bad” or “going nowhere” relationship, your heart most often ignores your brain and you stay in that relationship. I think too many of us, especially woman, are gluttons for punishment. We think that even though we can do better than who we’re with, we feel that we can change this person to be someone worth staying with and caring for. Does that make sense? *lol*

As for not putting yourself in that position again, I think it’s difficult to prevent it if you’re not aware that it’s even going on. A lot of woman continue to have bad relationships and to be with men who are jerks because they are not aware of the traits in these men that make them bad to start with. I think that if you pay close enough attention to the guy you’re spending time with, that you’ll notice if he has these characteristics.

Relationships are never easy, even with a great guy. Trust me. ^^
Dessa wrote:

Thursday, March 22, 2007 @ 6:30 pm GMT-8

Well, the lesson has been learned, and it’s a valuable one at that. Real love doesn’t die. You can however still love someone and fall out of being “in love”, but the reason why some people can stay together so long is because the unconditional LOVE is still there and because of that they can wait it out and fall back in love once again. Sometimes perhaps people mistake infatuation with something that can be long lasting, but surely, it dies once you get to know that the fantasy is not the reality.
Jules commented:

Thursday, March 22, 2007 @ 10:27 pm GMT-8

I’ve been there. I’ve lowered my standards. I’ve ‘fallen’ for someone society would have deemed an outcast. And I ended the relationship, later realizing that I was better off and didn’t really love him. I think it’s much more stress than it’s worth. Is love blinding? I think so. But that’s what makes it dangerous and mysterious and exciting and wonderful. And I think a person can easily fall out of love just as they can easily fall in love. Why would that be such a crime anyway?
Sophie declared:

Friday, March 23, 2007 @ 1:57 pm GMT-8

Well I suppose your lesson has been learnt, and you can avoid it in the future. It’s best not to look back, but to take things one day at a time and look forward to what the next day brings.
Sarah said:

Friday, March 23, 2007 @ 9:19 pm GMT-8

I’m sorry you had ot go through such a hard period. Looking back is the only way you can realise you have done something “wrong” because you don’t realise you’re doing anything wrong. It is a good thing that you’ve realised you don’t like the person you temporarilly became because if you hadn’t reflected of course you would have stayed just as you were.

this is a bit of a pointless comment because of course you knew that
Chrissie typed:

Sunday, March 25, 2007 @ 6:55 am GMT-8

I think It’s hard to tell if it’s the one or not when you first meet. It’s nice for all these couples later on down the track to say it was love at first sight, but seriously, when you have a crush on someone and are beginning a relationship it’s always full of emotion. the fact that they are still toghether shows more that they are compatible than the hormones ever could.

Don’t come down too hard on yourself. we all do what we think is right at the time and although you realise now that you are not happy with the way things were, at the time it felt right and there is nothing wrong with that. We change, just as the way we view people and the world will change. Whether that change be over a long period of time or day to day, it will dramatically alter the way we feel about people and situations we previously thought of as normal.

Go with the way you feel at present and never regret the things you have done, for without doing those things you would not be the person you are today with the thoughts and sense of self you now own.
Adastra shouted:

Sunday, March 25, 2007 @ 11:39 pm GMT-8

I feel the same way about my last relationship, and I swore to myself I’ll never let something like that happen again. In fact it has raised my requirements to such high standards that it’s almost impossible to ever find that perfect guy. I have been single since then (about 2 years), but right now I’m also in a place where I absolutely don’t want another relationship.
Sigrun expressed:

Monday, March 26, 2007 @ 6:32 am GMT-8

I’ve had it like that, and I can relate to your situation because I lowered my standards too. I think love can be blinding, but when the crush fades and you still remain in love, you should be able to look past the flaws, but demand respect and high standards anyway.