Rape

08.08.07

Posted under: Changes, Life, Relationships

I don’t know the statistics for it, but for a lot of women, their rapists are people that they’ve met before and/or the night of. This does not include those who walk down the street, by the way.

It makes a little bit of sense, doesn’t it? A girl goes to a party and runs into someone she’s met just once or twice. She’s drinking; he’s drinking and everything is swell… right up until they’re in a room and the guy wants sex but she doesn’t. However, she’s impaired and can’t really defend herself properly and so… in he goes.

Other times, it’s because of an abusive husband or boyfriend. The wife/girlfriend feels scared and doesn’t know what to do, so she gives in to give him what he wants, even if she doesn’t. It’s also difficult for women to run away since unfortunately, they are physically weaker than men on average.

I know that this is stuff you all might have heard or would have guessed, but I just wanted to say something about this topic because it’s been something I’ve been thinking about recently.

Why, do you ask? Because I realized that I, too, was raped. Not in the violent, stereotypical way, but I was forced to have sexual intercourse when it was quite obvious that I did not want to. Why did I do it? I was scared.

I hate myself for it too. I could have left; I could have said no. But I was scared of what he would do to himself and what he would do to me, not physically though. Long story short, he was someone I was forbidden to see and since I was staying at home with my parents at the time, I did not want him to create a scene in front of them; that was the last thing I needed.

I know that this particular rape isn’t as severe as others’, but now that I’ve had time to process it, I realize that this does qualify as rape. I absolutely loathe myself too for putting myself in this kind of a situation. I always thought that I could be strong, that if a man were to ever hit me, I’d leave.

But… I was never hit and that’s where I failed. Live and learn, folks. Live and learn.

[edit] I forgot to state my point: Don’t always trust the person you’ve met or you’re with and if you feel that the person might have some anger/emotional issues, address them as soon as possible. Don’t fool yourself like I did to myself; realize that when you don’t want to do something, you have that right, especially when it comes to intercourse.

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Tags: abuse, acquaintance, boyfriend, friend, husband, rape, sex, violence

14 Comments »

Sarah stated:

Wednesday, August 8, 2007 @ 8:56 am GMT-8

Situations like those are extremely scary. You feel trapped and want to get out, but you feel you can’t. But no matter what the case is, there is always a choice.
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Kelly remarked:

Wednesday, August 8, 2007 @ 11:43 am GMT-8

Wow. I was not expecting a post like this! I think that it is good that you’ve gone through the event in your mind and logically evaluated it and compared it to your definition of rape. I think that’s where a lot of people “go wrong” as they aren’t willing to even think about it. You shouldn’t loathe yourself or feel ashamed. though..
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Caitlin typed:

Wednesday, August 8, 2007 @ 3:17 pm GMT-8

Wow, what an interesting blog. You gave some excellent advice and hit on strong points. I’m sorry for what occurred to you in your past, but all the more, it has taught you things and made you a better person I am sure.
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Jay shouted:

Thursday, August 9, 2007 @ 7:12 pm GMT-8

That is some good advice. I’ll remember it. Sorry to hear that you got raped. I’m sure you learned from it, and won’t make the same mistake again. Best of luck talk to you later bye.
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Cassie voiced:

Thursday, August 9, 2007 @ 11:35 pm GMT-8

Hey there! I’m sorry about this; it’s a good thing for all women to be educated upon it, though. I mean, technically, I guess I could say that I was raped once, too. I always thought the same thing. But it’s best to grow stronger from it and save the lesson for the future. Take care!
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Mari announced:

Friday, August 10, 2007 @ 7:36 am GMT-8

This is something every woman should think about.

The worst part about the whole ordeal is that the woman feels like it’s her fault. It devalues the woman, and that just shouldn’t be.

Don’t loathe yourself, Maria. Just learn from it. There’s nothing you can do to change the past. No amount of hitting yourself in the head can make it different. All it does is hurt you.
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Ashley stated:

Friday, August 10, 2007 @ 11:23 am GMT-8

I too find myself thinking about rape. Im still a virgin and all but i really appreciate your honesty and you trsuting your visitors on this kind of experience. I really loved the blog and it encourages me to write too of similar experiences…Thanks soo much!
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Julie responded:

Friday, August 10, 2007 @ 6:39 pm GMT-8

How comes I no longer get notifications thingers from you? You’re right though lady M! No one should have to do something they don’t want to or feel is wrong. No one should be pressured into that. And I’m sorry you were *hugs*
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espoire declared:

Friday, August 10, 2007 @ 7:26 pm GMT-8

I agree. I just wrote about pigish ass men.
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Stockton Boy replied:

Saturday, August 11, 2007 @ 2:26 am GMT-8

Sometimes rape happens by being in the place that you know you shouldn’t be in, in the first place. Honestly I can only laugh at women who claim they were raped when they were too drunk to fight off the man. I think that is really funny! That is about as smart as walking around east LA and thinking that you wont be shot. Being over powered on you way home from work walking down your normal streets is not funny, but going to a party, getting drunk, around drunk guys, and then claiming rape is ridiculous and I laugh at those stupid girls. That is your own fault. Similar to being pressured the way you were. I think that you should have seen it coming and ended the relationship before it started. A man will reveal himself to you rather quickly in a relationship when it comes to sex, and if you are uncomfortable in any way then you should end it.
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Stockton Boy replied:

Saturday, August 11, 2007 @ 2:32 am GMT-8

Also I don’t really think that your rape was really rape. You may be afraid and all, you may not have wanted to do it, but you did. Maybe yours can count as rape, but not the drunk people. Being drunk at our age to age 30ish is like having a sign that says “Easy” or “Sure Thing” written on you. All guys know that if you want to get a girl in bed, all you need is her favorite drink and the slightest of sweet talking. I know people that are pros at that. When you drink to the point that you cant defend yourself then you don’t have the right to complain. Only expect laughter.
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christine declared:

Saturday, August 11, 2007 @ 6:11 am GMT-8

Stuff like this gets me all worked up, it’s a really bad topic for alot of people, expecially people who’ve been through this. Saying no to men doesn’t always work for women, because men know they have more power over the average woman, and alot of men take advantage of that. As for ’stockton boy’ I don’t know where he grew up, but just because you drink, doesn’t mean it’s right for men to take advantage of you.
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Stockton Boy voiced:

Saturday, August 11, 2007 @ 10:09 pm GMT-8

To reply to Christine… No men don’t have the right to take advantage of you but you don’t get the right to complain when you willingly put yourself in a situation that compromise yourself. It is the same as being involved in an unprotected orgy of 12 people and complaining that you got pregnant.
Furthermore, don’t think that I am talking about a few drinks either. I am talking about getting drunk to the point that you don’t have much control over yourself, and someone does take advantage of you.
Also, not only women are raped. Guys are raped too. Most date rape drugs were made by women. And if you really want to count the getting drunk and being taken advantage of, how many men do you know want to wake up next to a cow?
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Gemma typed:

Saturday, August 18, 2007 @ 4:40 pm GMT-8

Hey. I stumbled across your site and just thought I’d comment on this blog. I’m sorry that you got raped and you felt you couldn’t say no because of the consequences. Nobody should feel like that.

As for “Stockton Boy” just because a girl drinks (however much she drinks) does not mean she deserves to get raped b’cuz she put herself in that situation.

x
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