Single in College
19.05.07
Posted under: Relationships
Why is it that the “ideal” college life means partying, drugs/pot, drinking, and most of all: the single life? I’ve noticed a little more lately that many students prefer to be single, just to know what it’s like not to be tied down in college. College is freedom. Freedom from parents mostly, but does that mean freedom from romance too?
Sure, there are always those with college boy/girlfriends, but I’ve noticed that many are still single, especially those who prefer to be quite social. Is that how it’s supposed to be though? In order to be a social person, you need to be single? Or can someone be able to do both?
What is this mystery, this desire to be unattached? Is being free really all that great? I watched the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy and Christina, after Burke broke up with her, yelled out “I’m free! I’m finally free!” but broke down crying after realizing that fact. For me, the message I pulled out was that Christina didn’t want to be free, she didn’t want to be liberated. She seemed miserable.
So, what’s the deal with the single life? What’s the hype? Is it all that great anyway? Sure, you don’t have anyone to “report” to, no one else to consider but yourself, but is it worth it? Or maybe it’s the idea that for the first three years of college, it’s okay for one to be single and “fun,” but after that, it’s about finding the right person and beginning to settle down. I honestly don’t understand what’s so special about wanting to be single in college. Or maybe I don’t like that idea because being single means there are so many choices to choose from to not be single.
I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. If someone can explain the whole notion better than I can, please do so because I’m just baffled.
| 2.8 |
- Life, Liberty, And The Pursuit Of Happiness
- ARG.
- Yours And Life’s Meanings
- New Content?
- I’ve got a direction!
Tags: boyfriend, college, freedom, girlfriend, parties, relationship, single life
28 Comments »
Leave a comment
Want to get your own gravatar? Head here
If your comment is irrelevant, it will be deleted.
Please read the commenting policies.
RSS Feed
Stockton Boy replied:
Saturday, May 19, 2007 @ 2:05 am GMT-8
Kids like to be single because then no one can get hurt when they do things that make them act like blubbering idiots. They are away from parents so they can do anything. When someone is in a relationship and is social, the odds of that relationship being lost is very high. So why bother with meeting someone great and having something special if you are just going to get drunk and have five penis’ inside of you, or be one of five penis’ inside someone? You kids don’t have to know what real life is having mommy and daddy pay for anything. You’re free. The amount of socializing, as you will see when you become your own person and not relying on mommy and daddy, in yours and your coworkers’ lives (if they are young) will slow down a lot and that is when they will be looking for a relationship. That is why I hate most college kids. Because they act like kids. Mommy and daddy pay how much a semester for classes and housing, and food and clothes and whatever else you want to charge on your credit card. All you have to worry about is sobering up before class and at least not fail miserably. Other than school you have no real responsibilities. That is why being single is ideal. You can do whatever you want. Thanks to movies like American Pie, college life is for inserting penis or getting inserted by, as many times and with as many people. And seeing how easy these kids are, either by slight manipulation or by them just being whores, it is quite easy. That is why kids like to be single.
Faith Bowie said:
Saturday, May 19, 2007 @ 4:54 pm GMT-8
I, personally, have preferred the single life (before meeting “the one”, lol) just because I felt that I had someone to answer to when I was in a relationship.
I’ve never been super social, I don’t really party at all, it’s not that. I just don’t like the idea that, at the end of the day, I’ve got to explain my actions to someone else.
Lucky for my, my current guy let’s me do what I’m gonna do because he understands my severe castration complex, lol.
Julie announced:
Sunday, May 20, 2007 @ 12:26 am GMT-8
Doode why didn’t I get a notice that y0u blogged? I think that the stereotypical college experience is being in a frat/sorority and partying it up which includes being single so you can swing heh. But really, I think that’s gross. I don’t do the drugs or drinking or free sex, and I don’t think it’s necessary to have a good college experience. College is about freedom, but to different people it means different things. It’s the freedom to spend the night with your bf/gf w/o your parents knowing what you do, its the freedom to learn about yourself by being forced to fend for yourself and survive with roommates/classmates/professors. It’s the freedom to grow up. Whether or not that includes being single and drinking your life away, that depends on the individual.
E remarked:
Sunday, May 20, 2007 @ 5:10 pm GMT-8
I just finished my first year of college, and I had a long-term boyfriend for the first half (plus), and then we broke up for much of the second semester, so I sort of have both perspectives. Coming in with a boyfriend, I think it may have made me less likely to want to branch out and make new friends, and really put myself out into the whole college social situation. Then after we broke up, I did start going out more, and making more friends. I think it would be good to have a happy medium though, and try to go out even IF you have a boyfriend. I don’t really get any happiness out of whatever that “freedom” is supposed to be, myself.
I like your site, and this was a really interesting entry!
Marie Claire typed:
Monday, May 21, 2007 @ 3:16 am GMT-8
I don’t know. I think that some people prefer being single because they’re more free. And being away from parents allows them to do whatever they like.
Tiffany declared:
Monday, May 21, 2007 @ 7:31 am GMT-8
I think some people are just single out of wanting freedom, some are single because they haven’t found the one, or they’re single because they got out of a bad relationship… I think that many reasons contribute to it.
Bekka answered:
Tuesday, May 22, 2007 @ 1:31 am GMT-8
Oy. I’m sure you’ve gotten some of the gory details of Rameen and I’s break-up, and the basis of that was that I wanted that single freedom. Why? Hell if I know. I was in the party scene so long, wrapping any guy I wanted around each of my fingers, having so many flings that didn’t matter, something about that still seemed alluring even after 6 months in a serious relationship with someone amazing. I got my kicks, had my one night stand and after the fact realized, so what? This guy is rich, beautiful, wants to spoil me, get me drunk, but wtf? Having the experience of NOT being single brings a whole new facet to the single, “free” lifestyle. Being single is great, it IS a lot of fun (sometimes), but I guess deciding what works best for you come with trial and error.
Daniela declared:
Tuesday, May 22, 2007 @ 9:51 am GMT-8
I also believe that freedom is a gift that should be well acknowledged. This is my opinion and has surely nothing to do with getting drunk and destroying your health.
Jen replied:
Wednesday, May 23, 2007 @ 10:41 am GMT-8
EXACTLY what I had wondered for such a long time! I even felt PRESSURE to BECOME single myself even though my relationship was damn good. And honestly I’m more social WITH my guy than I could have ever been alone.
I don’t understand it and never will I guess. But then, I don’t want to see anyone in a bad relationship only because they are scared of being alone. But I had couple friends that broke up for the main reason that “they wanted to be single” again. Very few seemed happy about it afterwards. And they all tried to get back together but failed.
I can understand freedom, but freedom can come through being in an honest relationship where the people respect space. Is the only freedom we’re REALLY talking about is sexual partner freedom then?
Sorry to just pop up out of nowhere and comment so much!
Maria declared:
Wednesday, May 23, 2007 @ 5:40 pm GMT-8
@Stockton Boy
I wouldn’t necessarily say that most kids want to be single in order to have guilt-free sex. I think that some are single for that reason, but your comment implies that most are because of that. I think some just don’t want to feel like they need to report to someone, or to have to check in with someone. Or perhaps it’s just knowing that yes, all you have to do is focus on school. Being single means you don’t need to worry about anybody else but yourself.
@Faith Bowie
That’s good to know you’ve got someone who understands you. And you’re right, it probably sucks having to explain your actions and decisions to someone else who might not fully understand.
@Julie
Very true indeed. Freedom does mean something else to somebody else, so perhaps going to college is one more step toward “freedom” and being single is another “freedom” that many want.
@E
Yes, that medium does sound ideal. I just hope that it’s not as hard as many make it seem.
I’m glad you enjoy the site.
@Marie Claire
I can see the sense in that.
@Tiffany
Yes, there are many reasons.
@Bekka
Yeah, it probably works for some people and not for others. At least you found out where you want to be.
@Daniela
But what freedom are you talking about? The freedom to be away from your parents? What?
@Jen
I appreciate the long comments, don’t worry!
I don’t think it necessarily means sexual freedom, but many interpret it that way and some in other ways. But I like that idea about respecting each other’s spaces. I suppose if one person needs to feel less constrained than the other should understand, right?
Nina announced:
Friday, May 25, 2007 @ 6:46 am GMT-8
My recent post is basically about being single too. Right now I just want to be ‘unattached’ from anyone because that way I can do whatever I want without feeling guilty. And I agree, that more and more people choose to be single nowadays. I don’t know what their reasons are but college years are when the most crazy things happen, and I guess college students want to be able to experience all that. I would admit though that sometimes I miss having a special someone who is always there anytime. Oh well.
Kate announced:
Friday, May 25, 2007 @ 7:38 pm GMT-8
I personally do not get the whole “single” life bullcrap that people assume comes with the college experience. For me, I’m taken and in college but I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. I think you can be in a relationship and still have freedom. Maybe they just want to be single to party and hook up with people without feeling guilty?! I know some of my friends are like that but that’s not really who I am at all. I guess to be single is up to that individual since everyone has different reasonings for things.
And the whole Burke/Christina thing really depressed me. I think Christina really loved him and wanted to be with him but she just wasn’t all excited about a wedding since she loved him and knew he loved her so why have a big ceremony when that’s not the type of person she is!? I just hope next season they put them back together because they were great together!!
Joana expressed:
Saturday, May 26, 2007 @ 3:12 pm GMT-8
I myself have remained single through out college and sometimes I did regret it but for the most part I enjoyed it. I had enough on my plate that I didn’t need the burden of the dating scene. For me it is just about focusing on what needs to get done and what is important.
Kimberly said:
Saturday, May 26, 2007 @ 5:29 pm GMT-8
Regarding what you said about my commenting system: I’m sorry? I’m just too lazy and stupid to install WordPress so I’m sticking to Cutenews.
I watched Grey’s Anatomy and when Cristina yelled “I’m free!” The message I got was that she was happy that she’s free but she’s sad that she had to lose Burke to realize he was the one “holding her back.” I’m not in college so I don’t know the whole “single”, “freedom” thing.
Laura answered:
Sunday, May 27, 2007 @ 4:05 am GMT-8
I think you can do both but with a lot of hard work. Since I’ve been in a serious relationship and my boyfriend and I have been living together, I’ve lost contact with my friends compared to how much I used to see them. Also, being single you can party and do stupid things without worrying about the consequences if your other half might find out.
Diana declared:
Monday, May 28, 2007 @ 7:07 am GMT-8
It’s difficult. In my first year of university I wasn’t single. After that I was. It really depends on the person and the relationship you are in.
It is easier to be single. You don’t have to worry about anyone else’s feelings and it is a time of discovery. But if I had met the right person while I was there, I don’t think I would look past it just to stay single. Most people you meet in college are people you meet in a bar or party situation, and they aren’t usually the kind of people you’d want to date.
I enjoyed the single life but it got old pretty fast.
Stockton Boy declared:
Monday, May 28, 2007 @ 10:51 am GMT-8
To reply to your comment. That is what it is though. Going out and having fun will turn into what now? Do you really think that if a girl asks me to go to a party with her, she won’t expect for us to “know” each other? And after reading the other comments that is what it comes down to. Meeting new people. But the thing about meeting new people now is that it is usually in a party setting, the beer and cheap Smirnoff is cold, what do you think the outcome could be. People may not realize that that is what it is, wanting to defend their actions, but they don’t wear those sexy pants that makes your ass look perfect, or the low cut shirt to tease men for no reason.
In college, usually if it isn’t a study session or a group project, you are mostly safe from the sexual tension. Mostly.
And your question was; “Why is it that the “ideal†college life means partying, drugs/pot, drinking, and most of all: the single life?”
Even the most shy person would love to have a taste of that life. The girl that I lived with around the corner from you would have loved and wanted to live like that so badly. And most people do whether they do it or not. Admit it, even you do.
Maria stated:
Tuesday, May 29, 2007 @ 2:34 am GMT-8
@Nina
Perhaps the desire to do crazy things ties in with wanting to be free.
@Kate
I don’t always get it either, but it does stem from not wanting to feel guilty.
I think Christina went with the wedding because she knew how much it would mean to Burke. She loved him enough to do that for him, even though it wasn’t who she was. In my opinion, I believe that a relationship requires compromise and sometimes, if it’s really really important and one is willing to bend farther than normal, then it is okay.
@Joana
That’s the other side of being single in college. It’s not to have wild sex and crazy parties; it’s about focusing on the things that are more important to you, like your education.
@Kimberly
It’s okay if you don’t get it yet.
@Laura
Again, a lot of people who are single don’t want a reason to feel guilty when they come home unless they have partied with their significant other.
@Diana
Yes, you don’t have to worry about anybody else. But you’re right. If you meet the right person, it’s not worth it just to be able to party, is it? Unless it is your nature to live and be free, then you have to choose.
@Stockton Boy
It’s not always wanting to be a party animal. Some just want to study and like my parents, they want me to be single in order to focus on my studies. Some are single because they haven’t found the right person just yet. But many of those who are commenting, and perhaps my post is leading them to think so, mention the party life. Maybe it’s not the party life after all. Maybe it’s just not wanting to feel obligated to someone else, no matter who it is. Or maybe it’s just thinking that you want to be single, when in fact, you don’t.
Many don’t want the party life, you know. Some may look and feel a twinge of envy because they know that those people are somehow having fun and for some reason, those people aren’t.
Charity expressed:
Tuesday, May 29, 2007 @ 6:13 am GMT-8
To me, being single is a choice. Many people don’t think you can be as social with a significant other. I think you can be anything you want to be, social or not, if you find the right person. Some of them just don’t want to have to answer to someone. Myself, it’s more of a “haven’t found the right person” thing than anything else.
Stockton Boy shouted:
Tuesday, May 29, 2007 @ 2:30 pm GMT-8
Look at your original question. You cant ask a question and then deny what it is. If you were to ask “what is the benefit of being single in college?’ then I would give you a slightly different answer. But with your original question, going to parties and drinking and drinking, single life is easier because you don’t need to feel bad in the morning. You have no one to apologize to.
Mari declared:
Tuesday, May 29, 2007 @ 9:06 pm GMT-8
Well, maybe you’re asking why young people are single in general? Mari sees it as: Most people don’t get married until age 27 or so in the US. So throughout college and high school ages, most people are playing around. People generally don’t get serious and try to take steady significant others until they have a steady job and an education.
Then again, Mari isn’t delving into the social aspects of being single while young at all…
Kendra wrote:
Tuesday, May 29, 2007 @ 10:57 pm GMT-8
Well, I’m not in college, but I think being single means not having to depend on other people, less complications, and a little less stress added to the load that’s already there. Maybe they think settling down is supposed to be done after college, and after they’ve got some stability.
Maria remarked:
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 @ 9:23 am GMT-8
@Charity
Completely true. Definitely makes sense.
@Stockton Boy
Remember, I have the tendency to kind of jump around in thought. So even if I ask a question in the beginning, I may forget about such a question.
@Mari
True, stability doesn’t come until after college and after people have established themselves.
@Kendra
Good thought Kendra.
Aleida stated:
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 @ 10:23 am GMT-8
I guess people think when they’re in a relationship they are somewhat ‘trapped’ and can’t be fully themselves. That’s such a load of crap, but some people don’t want to feel they have to keep a person in mind with every little thing they do. I’m somewhat single during my university life, but … I’m not that much into partying so…
Vicki announced:
Thursday, May 31, 2007 @ 12:12 am GMT-8
The season finale of Grey’s was really sad. Burke and Christina’s relationship is very strange to understand but it’s quite obvious that she did want to marry him. I’m in college and I have no intention of being single because I need a companion to share my feelings with, and it’s not enough with just friends.
Stockton Boy announced:
Thursday, May 31, 2007 @ 2:26 pm GMT-8
Start your daily journal again.
Nikki commented:
Friday, June 1, 2007 @ 3:55 am GMT-8
My belief is that staying single in college a good notion. It would keep one from distraction and you won’t have anyone to “report” to (like you said). This way one can concentrate on studies or partying or even both.
But that’s just me. 
Maria shouted:
Friday, June 8, 2007 @ 8:11 pm GMT-8
@Aleida
Yeah, I don’t get that reason either. Why start a relationship just to break it off because you feel “trapped?”
@Vicki
I think Christina could have cared less if she was married, but she did it for Burke because she loved him.
@Stockton Boy
When I feel like it.
@Nikki
Relationships are distractions? Lol. The same can be said for partying too.