Archive for February, 2008
Well, two actually. I’ve really got to start leaving some posts ready to be published in the event that I can’t get to posting on that day. See, Sunday was my leisure day. It was the day of rest (both religiously and not) and well, I rested. I’m still trying to catch up on a reading all of the blog posts within the last week or so and it’s taking me awhile. I’ve replied to as many comments as I could; I still have to return all those comments as well.
The test went okay I suppose. I could have been much more prepared for it, but oh well. It’s done with and now all I can do is just make sure not to fall behind, right?
I’ve been thinking of a new layout for a while now. I finally found my photographer and the picture that I will use. It’s still going to be a red and dark theme, but I’ll make it work all together; don’t worry. I’ll have a beta site set up so I can get some feedback on some trusted people and hopefully, this will be one step forward in my progress as a designer.
Anyway, I should be heading to bed now. Good night all and hopefully, I won’t fall out of this posting process again anytime soon.
As some of you may (or may not) know, I recently picked up a rather nasty habit (or at least nasty to me): I started smoking. This began a few months ago and I tried to keep it under wraps for a while. In the beginning, I would only do it in my own company, never around anybody else. Then I started doing it as I was just out on the streets (and yes, I tried my best to be considerate to those who were walking around me). I never really let anybody in on the frequency of my nasty habit; I just mentioned it if it was either brought up or worth mentioning. I had briefly mentioned it before to my doctor, but I don’t think I let him in on where I had my first cigarette.
Yes, this may be a bit shocking, but I had my first cigarette right next to Stockton Boy’s apartment building. No, he did not see me and I think a part of me wanted him to. When I brought this up again with my doctor on Friday, he mentioned that perhaps I was doing it because of him.
Here’s an example (unrelated to this): Your dad tells you to not jump on the bed but you do it anyway either to spite him or to defy him. Well, for me, I doubt that I was spiting anyone; it was more of a defiance. Stockton Boy hates alcohol and smoking, so what do I do? I pick them both up. Well, the alcohol had already been a social thing for me, so it wasn’t as if I was making a big life change, but the smoking? Now that was big.
So after I went through all of my studying, I finally got a chance to breathe and I thought about the whole topic some more. I realized that although he has a much less involvement in my life now than he did a few months ago, Stockton Boy still has a control over my life and I hate that. I hate that I may have started smoking in order to do what he did not want me to do and I hate that even six months later, I’m still a wreck. But at least I was able to make a decision during this thinking process of mine: I’m quitting.
During these last two months, I kept wondering why I was smoking when I knew how detrimental it was to my health and I knew how badly it smelled to most people. Now I know and now I can finally tell myself that it’s a stupid reason to have done it in the first place. But hey, sometimes you need to make mistakes in order to grow as a person, right?
Anyway, thanks for bearing with me. I appreciate all of the love and support so many of you have shown me. Yes, I am still planning on returning and replying to all comments as well as catching up on my RSS feeds. Though, if I could just ask for one thing: Don’t leave ‘It’s good you’ve quit.’ comments unless you plan to expand. I know, it’s a bit picky, but I feel as if I’m standing here sharing my secrets that even my sister doesn’t know (until she reads this) and this is a post that deserves much more than that.
Good night folks.
Seriously, this whole week, I’ve barely had any time to do anything that I’d like to do. For example, I have to reply and return a whole crapload of comments. I also have to read about 100 blog posts (though half of that is due to Joana and Mike).
But first, study for test tomorrow and do the three assignments that were supposed to be done weeks ago.
After that, I should have more free time. That is, if I’m not trying to catch up on sleep. I really want to take a nap now, but I know that if I do, I will surely sleep.
Or will I? Maybe I’ll flip a coin. Wish me luck tomorrow!
Do you know why you shouldn’t? Because they will beat you up in ways you didn’t think possible. Their limbs are so easy to fall off sometimes that they could bonk you upside the head.
What’s my personal experience with these damned mannequins? As I was trying to put a dress on one, I had to lift the top half of its body. Since I didn’t want the dress to fall to the floor, I was also trying to hold it up as well. Somehow, the stupid thing ended up smashing a sliver of my right ring finger in between the two halves. As soon as I got my finger free, all I thought happened was a nice line of skin breakage.
But no. The mannequin had more evil ideas. Not only did it create a small line of breakage underneath my skin, it also ballooned my ring finger to a horrendous purplish-brown color. Yes, my finger was badly bruised and in pain for the rest of the night. I had to put a band-aid on it to stop myself from looking at it in disgust and horror that such a thing could do that to me.
Moral of the story: Don’t think the mannequins are all that cute. They’re vicious inside. Like kitties.
So, I missed a day of blogging. Goodness. I was quite tired though. Do you know when I went to bed last night? At 9:45 pm. Yes, that is quite amazing considering the fact that I haven’t done that in ages. Well, when I lied down, I was under the impression that I would only be napping for about two hours. Then I’d get up and get some work done. However, that didn’t happen quite like I planned. Sure, I woke up, but it was only to turn off my alarms to go back to sleep.
Work has got me pretty tired, but it’s okay. I’m making the money. However, I keep spending it when I buy clothes at the store. I can’t help it! They’ve got good styles and such cute underwear! I’m horrible at saving, I know, I know.
And now something’s wrong with Stockton Boy and we don’t know what’s going on. He went into the emergency room today in order to get it checked out but since they couldn’t figure it out, they said to come back in two days if the problem persists and well, he’d better go back.
Speaking of the devil… I’m still waiting for the day when I can finally be free from the pain in my heart. I know, that sounds so stereotypically “emo,” but how else am I going to express my feelings? I’m not poetic enough nor am I well versed in the English vocabulary to make it sound elegant and sophisticated. Yes, it aches to know that he’s not mine. It aches to know that he still wants her. It aches to know that all I can be is his friend. It aches, aches, and aches some more. Some think that I should stay away from him, but I can’t. There’s just something that keeps drawing me back in and I just… I care a whole lot about him, I do. I just wish that he could want me in the way that he used to, but I can’t wish for that anymore.
I should get to starting my homework. There are three weekly assignments that I need to complete by Saturday including the fact that I still have to study for that exam. On top of that, I have a project that I have to deliver by Saturday as well.
I can’t wait until Saturday is over.
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