Posted under: Relationships

For some reason, there’s always some issue with a boy that I have to have. Well, in my opinion, it’s better than issues with girls anyway since we’re usually quite vicious.

Anyway, for this one, I would like to say that I’m not interested, but the other night, I got to thinking about the real reason why I wasn’t interested – or chose not to act.

I had been telling my friends that I didn’t want to start anything because he was always around me too much; we’re both in the same organization that takes up a lot of our time and not only that, but we’re also in the same language class that meets five times a week. I believed that I wanted to find somebody who had a life outside of mine, someone who wasn’t always in my world, someone that I would want to make a part of my world but still be separate from it.

Then I realized that I also didn’t want to hurt him. I’m the the current stage where yes, a nice boy would be lovely, but I also need someone to take care of my more animal needs (if you catch my drift). Knowing that I wanted that primal satisfaction, I was afraid that if I did start something with him, as nice and as lovely as it would be, I could hurt him and because I care enough for him, I don’t want to put him through that pain and heartache.

I keep telling myself that I’m making the right choice by sparing him the hurt and pain, but in a selfish way, am I also sparing myself from the idea that I would feel guilty? Or am I also afraid? My friend said that he would be a good fit for me because he would be sweet, he’d be kind, he’d say the things I want him to say and he would do the things I’d want him to do, but not in a doormat kind of way.

I think for the moment, I’m going to refrain from acting, not until I know for sure that I’m not crazy in thinking that he’s feeling something too.

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Tags: crush, nice boy, nice guy