Archive for the ‘Site’ Category
Posted under: Site
After about six months, Boscardin finally got a new layout. It’s been sitting on my table for months, but I never got around to finishing it. This time, I started and I made sure to make everything work. However, because I am prone to miss things, do let me know if there’s a bug somewhere!
The image was taken by Kari L. The original picture is no longer available online, but he did take another snapshot that is similar to the one I used here. The new image is called “Passion.” He takes a lot of really great photos. It took me a while to find a nice red-colored picture that I liked. I know, I know. I’ve been obsessed with red, but it’s such a really good color!
I suppose that in addition to Boscardin getting a new look (and also turning two years old as of two months ago), I ended up getting a new haircut as well. Okay, it’s a few weeks old, but to me, it’s still new and it’s the shortest I’ve ever had it since I was a kid. It’s a bit hard to see, but it’s an asymmetrical bob. I really like it and think it’s a good cut. It was a bit expensive, but sometimes, when you want a good cut, you have to pay for it, right?
There are a few more things that I want to fix up for the site, but that can take its time. Soon, I will writing small movie reviews and I’m proud of myself for being able to set up that category. For now, I have to make the posts for the old movies that I watched years ago, but I plan on writing reviews for all the new movies that I’ll be watching too.
Anyway, if you have any comments, suggestions, or anything, let me know! Otherwise, feel free to answer this question: Besides domestic animals (cats, dogs, hamsters, etc), what’s your favorite animal? (Yes, this can include fantasy animals)
When you meet people, you never spill out all your deep dark secrets. However, what if, you know that one of your secrets is one of their deal breakers?
Yes, what usually happens on dates is that one is trying to impress the other. It’s natural and quite normal to withhold strange information, but is there a line to what you should or shouldn’t hold back? I don’t know if I’m making this as clear as I can, but maybe I’ll use a common bad habit as an example.
What if you are a smoker and generally, unless you know that your date smokes too, you know that most won’t date a smoker, right? I’ve made quite a few friends that I didn’t know were smokers, even occasional ones, until weeks, even months, after we had met. So if you hold that information back, knowing that it could be a major turn-off, would it be an entrapment of some sort?
Thinking about this some more, I finally found a personal example to this question: back when Stockton Boy and I had first met, he didn’t know about my history of infidelity. It would have been a deal breaker for him since almost all of his past girlfriends had been unfaithful to him. But I held that information back. Partly because I wanted to start off with a clean slate; I knew that even as friends, others look down upon cheaters as if they’re vermin. I didn’t like that feeling and so, I kept it private. It was also in part that I didn’t want him to look down on me. I wanted everything to be fun and by the time the topic came up, we were both too into each other to turn back.
In a way, I felt as if it could have been a trap. Of course, there was no malicious intent, no evil plan (”Muahahaha. He shall be mine!”), no ill-wish of any sort. Still though, it could seem as if I wanted to hook him first before he could run away.
Anyway, what are your thoughts on this? Would you consider it a trick, a trap? Or just the way that the dating world works? If you had bad habits, would you tell your date or would just let him/her figure it out later and hope that s/he doesn’t run?
Also, in small site updates, I’m currently working on my freelance web design website before I make the layout for this site. I’ve also included a “Current Songs” category for me to post lyrics to songs that I feel express my emotions at the moment.
I know, I said that I would come back better than ever with a new layout, but things have gotten a little time consuming lately. In a nutshell, I worked my ass off for the clothing store from hell, got fired before I could quit, then started a new job as a cashier at a market/deli. On top of that, I was trying to get schoolwork done and started putting in a few more social events. I’ll write a recap post on that later.
Lately, I’ve noticed how much I’ve been thinking about the past. Sure, I do that all the time, but as of late, it’s had a different feeling… it’s more of the remembering the good days, or remembering the good people.
Not necessarily through death, but I’ve lost a lot of good relationships with people and I absolutely hate that, I do. It’s hard for me when it happens, but I just have to try and pick myself up, and move on.
Except at least right now, it feels exceptionally hard.
In the last four years, I’ve lost a lot of people. There was a good friend (DT) who won’t speak to me now due one mistake I foolishly made, my senior year boyfriend (MN), my childhood best friend (VN) I had known ever since kindergarten, my breaststroke swimming partner (AL), and many others. Sure it’s all a fact of life; people grow up and they grow into different groups and lives, but even the most different of people can keep friendships, right?
Of course, to seal the deal to all this reminiscing, Stockton Boy and I had a major blowout a few days ago. I could see that what happened with VN was happening with Stockton Boy; he was getting too busy for me despite having told me it could never happen. But it did and I ended up getting extremely upset. My stress was fueled even more when he couldn’t understand how hurt and upset I was because his guards had gone flying up.
Although I know that he wasn’t on anyone’s good side anymore, I still wanted to be his friend. I needed to be his friend because he was the closest thing I had to being able to lean on someone without feeling as if I was imposing on someone’s schoolwork and time. Then, in the last month, he wasn’t there and I just… I couldn’t handle it; I can’t handle it.
What does all this have to do with the past? A lot of people get upset when they think back on how things used to be. If I didn’t, maybe I wouldn’t have blown up like I did at Stockton Boy. I wouldn’t have thought on the days when we used to call each other (as friends) just to say goodnight for fifteen seconds. I wouldn’t have thought back on the time I was walking through my school hallways after being dumped and seeing DT right there with his arms open wide for me. I wouldn’t think back on the times MN and I used to be on the phone for hours teasing each other about useless crap. I wouldn’t remember all of the three-hour long conversations (and possibly longer) with VN and how close we were as friends despite how far apart we lived. If I didn’t think back on any of those, I wouldn’t feel as shitty as I do now. Most people wouldn’t feel so shitty if they didn’t do what I do. Except, it’s hard.
I had a feeling that a ex-boyfriend, MM, I recently got reacquainted with may have a crush on me again and last night, it was confirmed. He was doing what I did; he was thinking back to how good things were when we dated, however short it was. I know that in some cases, and for now only the ones that I’ve seen in movies, some people can date, fall out, get reacquainted and then date again to have an even better relationship. Except, this isn’t one of those movie moments and only when I got the confirmation did I realize how dangerous it is to remember the good ol’ days.
It’s ironic that so many good memories can be so bittersweet, but it happens.
So what now? How do you try and change your focus? It will always be the good ol’ days, but how can you make it have a good feeling as opposed to a longing feeling? Maybe it’s just slowly trying to come to terms with it, but as you can see in my case, I never came to terms with any of my lost friendships, my lost relationships.
I was reading a book, The Alchemist by Paolo Coehlo, and through that, I could see how easy it was for the protagonist to just let go of the past. Through his journey, he didn’t dwell on the fact that he couldn’t see the merchant’s daughter one more time, and used his good memories on his shepherding days to get what he needed out of his journey. (I highly recommend this book to everyone, by the way) There is this word in Arabic, maktub, that is loosely translated to: It is written. This book is a good example of that because it implies that if things were meant to be, if things were meant to happen, then it will be because it was written by God.
I do believe in that word; that there’s fate, destiny, and a God who doesn’t necessarily control, but puts certain events and people in your lives for a reason. In the end, if it was meant to happen and meant to be, it will be. If I was meant to continue to have good relationships with those people, I would and if I don’t, then it wasn’t meant to be.
Anyway, that’s a whole other topic that I can write on, but the main point from the last two paragraphs is just the other way of thinking I suppose. Maybe it’s not supposed to be easy or be less painful; maybe it’s just supposed to be.
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Hopefully one day soon, I will get that new damned layout up. I have the picture I’m going to use; I just need to find the time to code everything and make sure all the plugins I want to use will work. I apologize for the rather long hiatus and for those who came back to visit only to see that the new posts were advertisements (hey, I need all the income I can get at this point). I’ll write a page explaining my stance on that soon.
Alright, that’s it. I have never really taken a hiatus before, usually because I never had to post so frequently before, but now I am. I can’t find myself to post everyday and I’ve got so much work ahead of me that I really need to focus on that and spending time with the people I care about outside of my apartment.
I know, I’ve attracted some people in the last few weeks and I’m very grateful for you all, I am. I’ll try and post when I have the time, but this is my little “see you later” notice because I don’t know when that will be. Work at the store has got me working much more now since a lot of the girls are leaving for various reasons, so I’ve been given a lot more hours. Work at the paper is going to make me work more since we’ve agreed to roll out with a new layout by the end of the month and there are still a bunch of things I need to sort out.
However, I’ll give you this as a present/incentive/reward, whatever you want to call it: when I do return, fully that is, I’ll give y’all a nice new pretty layout, yeah? Plus, this time away will give me time to reply to all of my comments and read all 100 of Joana’s posts.
See you when I see you. Take care, keep warm, and don’t let any bed bugs bite. I hear (from my family) that they’re a bitch.
I feel as if I have this incredible weight inside right now and I can’t quite put it into words. Actually, I don’t even know what it is really. I just know that there’s something… there. I want to let it out, or at least find a way to let it out, but I can’t find a way to let it out until I know what it is I want to let out.
Does any of that make sense?
I don’t know what I’m babbling about really. I’m just… not really sure about some things right now I suppose and it’s taking its toll on me. I know that I posed a lot of questions in the previous post, but now the questions aren’t so loud in my head. That doesn’t mean there aren’t other questions, but the whole worrying about the future thing isn’t as large and looming as it was a while ago.
What I want to do most is sleep. Perhaps I’m using sleep as an escape, but I want to sleep to make the time go by faster. Except there is this damned thing called responsibility.
In other news… more like site news (that should be properly placed in the aside, but I’m lazy tonight). If you want to find out what happened to Boscardin over the weekend, I explain it for a bit here in the first paragraph. I also want to give Boscardin a revamp, but right now, I’ve not the time, which makes me a little sad. It’s okay. I’ll live.
I always do, despite how depressed I can get, I always live. And this weekend, I got an email that really cheered me up. Not to mention getting to hang out with a really cool buddy on a really awesome couch.
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