Posted under: Changes, Life, Relationships

I don’t know the statistics for it, but for a lot of women, their rapists are people that they’ve met before and/or the night of. This does not include those who walk down the street, by the way.

It makes a little bit of sense, doesn’t it? A girl goes to a party and runs into someone she’s met just once or twice. She’s drinking; he’s drinking and everything is swell… right up until they’re in a room and the guy wants sex but she doesn’t. However, she’s impaired and can’t really defend herself properly and so… in he goes.

Other times, it’s because of an abusive husband or boyfriend. The wife/girlfriend feels scared and doesn’t know what to do, so she gives in to give him what he wants, even if she doesn’t. It’s also difficult for women to run away since unfortunately, they are physically weaker than men on average.

I know that this is stuff you all might have heard or would have guessed, but I just wanted to say something about this topic because it’s been something I’ve been thinking about recently.

Why, do you ask? Because I realized that I, too, was raped. Not in the violent, stereotypical way, but I was forced to have sexual intercourse when it was quite obvious that I did not want to. Why did I do it? I was scared.

I hate myself for it too. I could have left; I could have said no. But I was scared of what he would do to himself and what he would do to me, not physically though. Long story short, he was someone I was forbidden to see and since I was staying at home with my parents at the time, I did not want him to create a scene in front of them; that was the last thing I needed.

I know that this particular rape isn’t as severe as others’, but now that I’ve had time to process it, I realize that this does qualify as rape. I absolutely loathe myself too for putting myself in this kind of a situation. I always thought that I could be strong, that if a man were to ever hit me, I’d leave.

But… I was never hit and that’s where I failed. Live and learn, folks. Live and learn.

[edit] I forgot to state my point: Don’t always trust the person you’ve met or you’re with and if you feel that the person might have some anger/emotional issues, address them as soon as possible. Don’t fool yourself like I did to myself; realize that when you don’t want to do something, you have that right, especially when it comes to intercourse.

Tags: abuse, acquaintance, boyfriend, friend, husband, rape, sex, violence

Posted under: Relationships

Is it a tragedy to say that you wish you had never been with or met a particular person? Is it sad to say that you almost wish you had never allowed for things to happen the way they did happen with this person?

Unfortunately, I have come to realization that I need to say that.

This person and I had a relationship and during that relationship, I let a lot of things slide. I completely lowered my standards and thought that if I loved him enough, I could look past it. Looking back now, I see that it was a foolish decision to make and I would have been better off without him.

What brought this on was the fact that I could not pull one life-long lesson out of this relationship besides Don’t lower your standards again. In my few relationships, I have been able to apply some lesson to my better being, but with this, I am saddened to say that I regret it.

So here’s my question(s) for you: How do you prevent yourself from ever doing that again? For me, during that time, I had no problem with all of the things that disgust me now. So, how do you know? How do you determine the difference between what is socially acceptable and your personal feelings for something taboo? Looking back, I realize that I’m ashamed and quite disgusted with myself. How do you know? What if at the time, you just don’t care about it? Is love that blinding? Or is it not love, but some manifestation that you’ve created to justify what you’ve done and put yourself through? If you can easily fall out of love, then is it really love? Is it that one true love? For a person who says it more often than she should, how do you know if it’s the one that deserves to hear such precious words?

Tags: abuse, boyfriend, fear, future, past, rape, reality, relationship