Excusing Anger (28)

Posted under: Thoughts

Why is it that some use anger as an excuse for irrational or rude behavior? “He didn’t mean to say that; he was angry.” Does it really all stem from the anger? Or is it more of a choice that people make when they choose not to censor themselves?

There’s this idea that when someone is angry, that person will act rashly and harshly. Because of that, many tend to stay away from the angry person. It’s usually from the fear of either witnessing or being a victim of the anger.

Anger is one of the seven deadly sins and I truly believe that. Anger leads people to be irrational, to do things that if they were calm, they wouldn’t do nor say. But really, can you use anger as an excuse? It would be the same as blaming the alcohol for the abusive behavior or the drugs for the reckless behavior.

As a child, and even now unfortunately, my mother would say really mean things to me. (Please, no bashing on my mother) She would call me names or at one point, say that she wish I were dead. (She stopped after I expressed how it made me feel.) As I was nearing the end of high school, she would say that she couldn’t wait until I was out of the house. And just this past weekend, she told me that I shouldn’t come back home in two weeks.

All these things were said out of anger and frustration, but to me, they don’t give her any right to say the things she said. Hell, anger doesn’t give anyone any right to act rudely or harshly. Yes, I have been prone to be a bit nasty when angry, but I know that it is my choice to act that way. I could easily find another outlet to release the anger, but I don’t and that is my fault, not the anger’s fault.

To me, every action is always a choice. Even a lack of action is a choice because you allow for that to happen. There really is no such thing as “I couldn’t help myself!” or “I couldn’t control myself!” Even when impaired through alcohol or drugs, the person makes the choice to put him/herself in that position. If a person knows that s/he becomes violent while drinking, then why continue to drink? Or why drink in front of other people that s/he can abuse?

Even for anger, every reaction is a decision. When you snap at someone, it’s still a choice you’re making. As I mentioned before, I’m prone to be really bad tempered. I have said nasty things; I’ve reacted harshly; I’ve punched (inanimate objects); I’ve yelled; I’ve screamed and cried. Just a few days ago, I snapped at a woman. In some aspects, she deserved it, but still, I shouldn’t have acted like that. I’m not sorry about snapping at her, mind you, but I am regretful of my behavior.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you been prone to act rashly when angered or have you been a victim of anger? How have you dealt with that?

(Edit: I just noticed that Reggy from fragileheart.com recently wrote something similar and hit a few points too.)

Image Source: Mareen Fischinger at Flickr.

Tags: actions, anger, angry, choices, deadly sin, decisions, mother, sin