Step One Starts Tomorrow (1)

Posted under: Changes, Life

Tomorrow morning is my first appointment with a psychologist. I don’t know what to expect really. I can’t expect everything to start getting better at the first visit, I can’t expect to get fixed so soon. All I can do is hope that she knows what to do to help me, that’s all I can ask for anyway, right? I’m just glad that of my entire list, I had only two accept me. The ones I was able to reach either had no room for new patients, or had no room for new insured patients. I would go on a tiny rant about that, but I’d rather not.

I’m just grateful that someone has decided to help me.

Because I know that I truly need it.

It’s odd though because I’m one of those people, the ones that if I were to go (’go’ as in ‘die’), no one would really see it coming. I’d be one of those people because I would rather not burden people. I’d rather not have them worry about me when, in most cases, that’s all they would be able to do: worry. I would much rather have them remember me happy than sad.

But I suppose I can’t leave. As much as I feel how much others’ lives would be easier without me, I can’t leave. Partly because I’m a chicken and partly because… well, just because.

How did I ever get here? How did this whole thing, become me? I wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’m supposed to be the cheery one, the happy one, but… now I’m not. How did I get to this point?

Tags: Changes, counseling, help