Secrets Better Left Unsaid? (14)

Posted under: Thoughts

Some of you may have noticed that I do like to share what most would consider something private, or at least a little more intimate. You’ve seen the start of my smoking and my tendency to punish myself.

And a thought occurred to me: Who would I really tell about these things? I haven’t told my sister, my family, even some of my closest friends. I remember during the last few months of last year (2007), I was completely miserable and it didn’t seem like I was improving. Stockton Boy was there with me through most of it and saw me fall so far down and that, upset him. It upset him because he wanted to be a good friend, he wanted to help me but he didn’t know how to or whatever he did wouldn’t help. He was miserable just to see me miserable.

During those times, when I would put myself down and wallow in my low self-esteem, he was frustrated. He yelled at me because I wasn’t paying attention to how he felt, how worried and stressed he had become because of me. I was not trying to get better and in doing so, hurt him more.

I guess what I’m trying to ask is how would you tell a close friend about your self-destructive behavior? Would you tell a friend if you had no plans to stop the behavior? Telling your close friend would only upset him, right? And if you don’t want to stop, then he’s going to keep worrying about you until you do and that would cause more grief, wouldn’t it?

For example, take my smoking (save your fingers; don’t tell me to quit). I tell my sister (if she asks anyway) just about anything and I have refrained from telling her about this. I haven’t even told my good friend, JL, either because the first time he found out, he was really concerned about me. I choose not to tell them because I know that I don’t want to quit right now and having them know about this makes them more stressed out about me.

Are some secrets better left unsaid? Or should you share them with the people that are closest to you, despite knowing how much hurt it can cause?

Tags: feelings, friends, secrets, smoking, Stockton Boy