Posts Tagged ‘future’
I feel as if I have this incredible weight inside right now and I can’t quite put it into words. Actually, I don’t even know what it is really. I just know that there’s something… there. I want to let it out, or at least find a way to let it out, but I can’t find a way to let it out until I know what it is I want to let out.
Does any of that make sense?
I don’t know what I’m babbling about really. I’m just… not really sure about some things right now I suppose and it’s taking its toll on me. I know that I posed a lot of questions in the previous post, but now the questions aren’t so loud in my head. That doesn’t mean there aren’t other questions, but the whole worrying about the future thing isn’t as large and looming as it was a while ago.
What I want to do most is sleep. Perhaps I’m using sleep as an escape, but I want to sleep to make the time go by faster. Except there is this damned thing called responsibility.
In other news… more like site news (that should be properly placed in the aside, but I’m lazy tonight). If you want to find out what happened to Boscardin over the weekend, I explain it for a bit here in the first paragraph. I also want to give Boscardin a revamp, but right now, I’ve not the time, which makes me a little sad. It’s okay. I’ll live.
I always do, despite how depressed I can get, I always live. And this weekend, I got an email that really cheered me up. Not to mention getting to hang out with a really cool buddy on a really awesome couch.
Posted under: Life
Sometimes, like now, I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what I have to look forward to, I don’t know what is going to happen to me. As a Libra, that is hard to handle and to grasp. I can’t stand not knowing what my future holds for me. Who am I going to meet? Am I going to meet the right people? Will he ever come? Will I be alone? Will I just end up settling? Can I get the ideal? Will I find the ideal?
It’s just all so… difficult to process. When one future ends, how do you begin the new one? When what you thought was going to happen doesn’t, then where do you start? How do you know what you truly want? Do you want a warm body regardless of who it is? Do you want the warm body? What if what you thought you wanted isn’t what you want? Or perhaps what you want is something that you can no longer have and so now, you have to change those wants? What if you don’t want to change those wants? Should you change them? What if you change them only to find out that it was the wrong decision?
Coming from a family who was always driven to not make mistakes, I don’t want to make one now, but everywhere I turn, I can see mistakes happening. If I go one way, then my mistake would be to lose something great. If I turn another way, my mistake would be to miss something great. Either way, I can see a loss and I don’t want to make either decision until I know for certain that I can’t make any mistakes.
But this is life and no matter what, there are always going to be mistakes and from that, I have to learn how to be able to work from those, right? But, like I said, I don’t want to make any whatsoever. I want to be able to take from others’ mistakes and apply them to my life so I don’t have to do the same thing. But how do you know which one to learn from?
It’s just all so confusing and as each day goes by, everything seems to get fuzzier.
If everything is fuzzy, then how can I see the beginning?
Posted under: Life
To Shelley: My reply is in the comments. I suggest you read it.
Why is it that sometimes, you happen to think about the future more often than you should? Especially with a future that doesn’t play a role yet in your everyday life?
Unfortunately for me, I’ve been a victim of that one too many times. I’ll sit there, I’ll lay there, and I’ll think about all the different scenarios that could happen and how I would deal with such a scenario. Yes, sometimes it’s gotten my hopes and expectations and up and more recently, it’s gotten me to think about what it is I need to know and what it is I want to know.
The future.
It’s so vague. It’s so abstract. It’s so… debatable. Some can say that your future is already mapped out with fate and destiny. Some argue that you choose your fate. And some say whatever happens, happens.
Honestly, I think that if something is meant to happen, it will happen either sooner or later. I’m not saying that fate plays a role, but there is an underlying, a subtle hint that something is inevitable, then who’s to stop the inevitable?
Time can only tell what the future holds for us. There’s no cheating. No peeking. No illusions to foretell the future. You can only live life one day at a time. (But that doesn’t mean you can’t plan ahead!)
Is it a tragedy to say that you wish you had never been with or met a particular person? Is it sad to say that you almost wish you had never allowed for things to happen the way they did happen with this person?
Unfortunately, I have come to realization that I need to say that.
This person and I had a relationship and during that relationship, I let a lot of things slide. I completely lowered my standards and thought that if I loved him enough, I could look past it. Looking back now, I see that it was a foolish decision to make and I would have been better off without him.
What brought this on was the fact that I could not pull one life-long lesson out of this relationship besides Don’t lower your standards again. In my few relationships, I have been able to apply some lesson to my better being, but with this, I am saddened to say that I regret it.
So here’s my question(s) for you: How do you prevent yourself from ever doing that again? For me, during that time, I had no problem with all of the things that disgust me now. So, how do you know? How do you determine the difference between what is socially acceptable and your personal feelings for something taboo? Looking back, I realize that I’m ashamed and quite disgusted with myself. How do you know? What if at the time, you just don’t care about it? Is love that blinding? Or is it not love, but some manifestation that you’ve created to justify what you’ve done and put yourself through? If you can easily fall out of love, then is it really love? Is it that one true love? For a person who says it more often than she should, how do you know if it’s the one that deserves to hear such precious words?
Have you ever wondered what life would have been like had you not been at a particular place at a particular time with a particular person/group? Or even when it’s the right moment to bring something up, either a good or bad topic? The thing is, how do you know when? How do you know when it’s the right time for everything to be out in the open, when it’s the perfect moment to tell the other person how you could possibly feel?
When do you make that first move? Is it the right move? Are you in the right place? What if you make it and it ruins everything you’ve worked for? How do you tell the other person? Do you just say it? Do you make a special occasion of it? Do you just wing it? What goes on in your head? The other person’s head?
Or perhaps the right moment will just come when it’s ready to come?
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