Posted under: Life
A few days ago, I had the pleasure of proofreading a friend’s personal statement. After finishing it, two things happened for me.
First, I realized that people are very multifaceted. Some may be lacking in some areas of life, but can be completely amazing in others. A great person doesn’t mean a person who excels in all aspects of life (romance, friendship, academics, etc), but rather, finds something meaningful enough to pursue and pursues it.
Second, I took a look at myself and felt quite inadequate. Here was someone just a few months older than me and already, he had done so many things and had grown so much. When I look at this friend, I see him as this source of so much potential. Whether he changes the world or changes the life of one person, he will end up doing something great.
Me?
The things that I’ve learned within the past few years are not as profound.
Don’t put out before the third date.
Macy’s has some pretty good purses on sale on Black Friday
If a guy looks creepy, don’t give him your number and don’t let him pressure you into doing so.
Be careful with your heart because there are bastards out there who won’t give a shit.
Never allow yourself to be abused again and next time, take that stand to leave his skank ass.
All of these “lessons,” in a way, seem so superficial to me.
Even if I learned things about myself, I rarely did anything to change my actions. In a sense, I just became aware of my flaws and faults.
Sometimes, I feel as if I don’t take enough initiative to get things done. I sit and expect things to fall into my lap (opportunities, jobs, etc). Maybe it’s a part of not knowing where to begin in order to get where I need to go and maybe it’s a part of laziness.
I want to make a difference.
I have fantasies on what I could do, but I have no plan. Hell, I don’t really have a specific target.
Am I afraid? Am I lazy? Am I so confused that I can’t begin? Am I just… not that great?
People say that I’m a great person (and on some days, I feel like I am), but I haven’t learned, I haven’t done, I haven’t grown. I’m twenty-freaking-one and all I do is go to school, sleep, and drink.
I want to do different, but after having written this note, will I actually go and do it?
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I’ve been thinking about this for a while now about my current state of mind. See, I know what I have to do to get over this whole break-up thing, right? The thing is, I’m not doing it. For awhile, I kept telling myself (and to others) that I couldn’t do what was needed of me, that I couldn’t do what I knew I should have been doing. However, I feel as if they were easy enough of tasks to do, yet I chose not to do them. Which leads me to conclude that a part of me, which part and why I do not know, but a part of me wants to feel this way. A part of me is refusing to let go and that is causing my current turmoil.
Think about it. How many times have you told yourself that you can’t do something? But you knew that you could do it if you could muster up the strength to do it. Now, it has nothing to do with any other excuse. “I can’t do it because I don’t know how to.” or “I can’t do it because it’s too hard.” The thing is, no one would suggest if one knew that you were not capable of doing the task. Even you wouldn’t lie to yourself and say that it couldn’t be done, unless you said at least not now. It’s the “not now” part that makes a difference. If it’s “not now,” then it’s going to be at some time so what’s stopping from making that “some time” “now?”
It’s because there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to do it. It’s not that you can’t do it; you can actually. You just don’t want to.
I believe that is what I’m going through right now. I know what to do, I have an idea of how to do it, I’m just not doing it. Why, I don’t know yet. I feel that if I keep digging, I’ll find the source for my lack of desire to change and maybe, I will finally be able want to move on.
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Plug: I never really do this, but I’ve been hooked by this cute Shockwave game, PandaPang, and for anyone who feels like playing, give it a shot. It’s in Japanese, but the controls aren’t that hard. Left click to shoot the green blobs. There’s no pause button (that I can find) so keep that in mind. The closer you hit the blobs, the more points you get. Here’s a tip though: Don’t pick up the question mark; it will reset your power and your extended energy back to normal (I don’t know about speed though). There are only twelve levels, but the last one can be a bit of a bitch.
Note: In the previous post, I did not call nor want to call any of those girls sluts, skanks, whores, etc. I just wanted to comment on how those women did not need to dress so provocatively in order to get attention.
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I’m the type of person who can’t sit and do one thing. I need to multi-task; I need to feel busy, never idle. Sure, I don’t mind a break here and there, but that’s different from a life-long break.
How many of you are like me? How many of you feel the need to challenge yourself? Even if it’s just a little bit, like doing a Sudoku or a Crossword puzzle? Maybe even picking up a book to read leisurely? Do you push yourself as far as you can go or just sit while the fat accumulates?
If, in fact, you are not satisfied with where you are, then take a look around you. What can you do to change? What can you do to fix yourself? To steer yourself in the direction you want to go? Don’t take the wrong turn or go too quickly; you could crash, burn, and melt an overpass*.
My point is, don’t sit there idly waiting for your big moment, for your big change. If you want something to happen, take it upon yourself and do it. Take the initiative, learn, and grow.
*real image. Read the story here.
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