Desires, Impulses, and Impairment (6)
11.12.08
Posted under: Life, Thoughts
I was thinking in bed the other day about this friend I have. I’m completely attracted to him, but I know not to make a move because he’s already got a girl. However, our sexual tension is quite massive and I told him that I don’t mind staying his friend as long as I don’t get very inebriated alone in his presence.
That got me thinking about our choices, our desires, our impulses. See, I think that the substances (alcohol, weed, etc) allow us to put down our barriers. In a sense, we’ve all got certain desires, but when sober, we don’t act on them for different reasons. I know that if I were to drink, my judgment would be impaired and I would be more likely to act on impulse than to think it through. However, this doesn’t mean that everything can happen. If you’ve thought about a particular act and have absolutely no intention or desire to do it, even when impaired, you still won’t act on it.
By letting go some of our inhibitions, people can really see what it is that we want or feel. Sure, there are still many cases in which this thought of mine can be disproved, but for the most part, in harmless cases, I find this to be true.
Whether sober or impaired, have you ever done anything that you thought you’d never do? How did you feel afterward?
For me, I’ve had sex with people that I probably shouldn’t have for different reasons. I’ve also said goofy things and apparently, am a little violent. The second statement though, would probably happen without alcohol.
The two times in which I’ve had sex… well, one made me feel awful because I knew that if word ever got out, someone would get hurt. The second was a bad decision because I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.
As for being sober, the whole Stockton Boy debacle was something that I thought I wasn’t capable of and how it makes me feel now is disappointed and ashamed at myself for doing such things. However, I don’t want to say that I regret making those decisions; I take every situation as a life experience and from that whole mess, I learned a lot about myself.
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