Why is it that some use anger as an excuse for irrational or rude behavior? “He didn’t mean to say that; he was angry.” Does it really all stem from the anger? Or is it more of a choice that people make when they choose not to censor themselves?
There’s this idea that when someone is angry, that person will act rashly and harshly. Because of that, many tend to stay away from the angry person. It’s usually from the fear of either witnessing or being a victim of the anger.
Anger is one of the seven deadly sins and I truly believe that. Anger leads people to be irrational, to do things that if they were calm, they wouldn’t do nor say. But really, can you use anger as an excuse? It would be the same as blaming the alcohol for the abusive behavior or the drugs for the reckless behavior.
As a child, and even now unfortunately, my mother would say really mean things to me. (Please, no bashing on my mother) She would call me names or at one point, say that she wish I were dead. (She stopped after I expressed how it made me feel.) As I was nearing the end of high school, she would say that she couldn’t wait until I was out of the house. And just this past weekend, she told me that I shouldn’t come back home in two weeks.
All these things were said out of anger and frustration, but to me, they don’t give her any right to say the things she said. Hell, anger doesn’t give anyone any right to act rudely or harshly. Yes, I have been prone to be a bit nasty when angry, but I know that it is my choice to act that way. I could easily find another outlet to release the anger, but I don’t and that is my fault, not the anger’s fault.
To me, every action is always a choice. Even a lack of action is a choice because you allow for that to happen. There really is no such thing as “I couldn’t help myself!” or “I couldn’t control myself!” Even when impaired through alcohol or drugs, the person makes the choice to put him/herself in that position. If a person knows that s/he becomes violent while drinking, then why continue to drink? Or why drink in front of other people that s/he can abuse?
Even for anger, every reaction is a decision. When you snap at someone, it’s still a choice you’re making. As I mentioned before, I’m prone to be really bad tempered. I have said nasty things; I’ve reacted harshly; I’ve punched (inanimate objects); I’ve yelled; I’ve screamed and cried. Just a few days ago, I snapped at a woman. In some aspects, she deserved it, but still, I shouldn’t have acted like that. I’m not sorry about snapping at her, mind you, but I am regretful of my behavior.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you been prone to act rashly when angered or have you been a victim of anger? How have you dealt with that?
(Edit: I just noticed that Reggy from fragileheart.com recently wrote something similar and hit a few points too.)
Image Source: Mareen Fischinger at Flickr.
For some reason today, a huge wave of homesickness hit me. Now I’m not the type of person to get homesick, ever. If I do, it’s a very, very rare occasion like this one. I honestly don’t know what set it off though. For the entire day, I felt hungry. I wanted something warm and something good. My solution? Progresso Clam Chowder. I ate the whole can too, which is a lot considering I normally eat only half the can at a time. But no, that didn’t work.
I kept thinking of different foods I could eat and all I could think about was my mother’s food. Of course, it’s usually not an elaborate feast or anything, but having a nice bowl of rice and some deliciously cooked meat sounded so wonderful. And since I have not learned the fine arts of cooking from my mother, I could not replicate anything of hers.
My solution? I went to a newly opened restaurant called Anh Hong (unfortunately, without proper accents) because they would serve Vietnamese food. I trusted them much more than I trusted the other Vietnamese restaurants because I know that they are a small franchise and have opened up in large Vietnamese communities.
Anyway, the food was delicious and almost satisfied my desire for my mother’s food. However, it didn’t cure my homesickness. While waiting for and eating my food, there was a large Vietnamese family in the restaurant and seeing them there just made me even more nostalgic. I decided that I had to call my parents and let them know how much I miss them and how much I love them. Hearing my dad’s voice on the other line? That helped cure my homesickness a little. It’s not enough, but it will last me until this weekend anyway.
I just don’t know what brought this on though. I normally don’t miss my parents this much and just this past week, I have been a lot more than usual. Do any of you have this level of homesickness? If so, what do you do? What is your relationship with your parents like? See, my family isn’t the most affectionate around so my calling them just to actually say the words, “I miss you” and “I love you” really meant a lot. Does your family have that kind of problem too?
Well, I’m just so lucky to have the parents that I have. I know that in the previous post, I mentioned that I may have picked up some bad habits, but that doesn’t mean I love them any less. I’m very grateful for my family and without them, I would not be the person I am today and I would not be in such a great college if it weren’t for them. My family always comes first and even now, I’m tearing up as I think so fondly of them.
Even if you aren’t part of an affectionate family, don’t forget to let them know how much you cherish and appreciate them every now and then. And yes, I do mean for you talk to them outside of the holidays.
As I was leaving my doctor’s session today, he brought up a very interesting point. He mentioned that what I was doing, it was similar to what my mother does.
See, I’ve always kind of looked down upon my mother’s actions to exploit and to get as much as she can. She always signs up for those Christmas toy drives in order to get the free clothes and return them at the stores for credit/money. She somehow got me a full year bus pass without having to pay a penny. She always signed my siblings and I up for the free lunches at school when we could afford it, and she knew it. When I got caught shoplifting, she just wanted to sweep it under the rug since I know she does it too.
What brought this comparison up is that right now, I’m not registered at UC Berkeley, so I’m losing out on a few benefits such as the gym and well, the wonderful bus pass that would have given me free rides until the end of August. My initial plan was to buy the bus pass from someone else for about the same price that they would pay for it through the registration fees, which is about $60. When I pitched that plan to a friend of mine, he told me that when he had lost his ID last semester, he ended up copying someone else’s pass and taped it onto his.
Now, to me, that sounds like a brilliant idea, right? I’m saving myself $60 and to me at least, I don’t feel as if I’m taking from someone else’s benefit. It kind of ties into the idea of Pareto efficiency where in order to make one person better off, another is worse off. To me, I don’t see that I’m making someone else worse off. In my eyes, I see that my mother is making someone else worse off. When she gets money from the government, it’s money that could have been used for someone else. When she goes to those Christmas toy donations, there’s another family more deserving than ours. When we get our free lunches, someone else has to pay for that.
I know that you eventually learn and pick up a few things from your parents, but I thought this was the one thing that I could run away from. Or am I just making excuses for all my actions so I don’t feel bad about it? So I can mask the fact that maybe I am becoming a bit like my mother? That I am picking up on the things that I once looked down upon?
Edit: I will not allow you to call my mother names, so refrain from doing so unless you really want to set me off. Yes, what she does isn’t the greatest thing, but that doesn’t give you the right to talk about my mother like so.
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