Posts Tagged ‘Valentine’s Day’

Obligatory Valentine’s Day Post (4)

14.02.08

Posted under: Blog365

Or otherwise known as Singles’ Awareness Day (S.A.D.)

Yes, I am a part of that now. To think of it, I pretty much have had a Valentine’s for the last four years… possibly even longer. Actually, I’ve pretty much had a Valentine’s since my freshman year in high school. Most were boyfriends I was dating at the time with the exception of one year in which that was just in our crush phase.

So this year, I’m without a Valentine… kind of. Well, I planned a last minute thing with a friend, pretty much as a joke since he and I didn’t have a Valentine for tomorrow, so we said that we’d spend my thirty minutes between work and school to catch something to eat. The downside is that I have to wear something nice. What the hell. It’s going to be hard since I have a night class and I walk home, so my legs will be cold and I won’t have a proper jacket on. Beauty hurts people, beauty hurts.

But that’s all just for fun and games. Honestly, I despise Valentine’s Day and how commercial it is. Why do you have to spend this special day with someone? I mean, what’s special about it to you? Everyone else is doing the same shit too and it’s not a day in which you should celebrate your love. If anything, you should celebrate it everyday, on days you feel really in love, or on days that really matter. What’s really so special about this day? Nothing anymore, anyway.

And you know what the sad statistic is? Many couples end their relationships just around this day and my guess is that it’s mostly Valentine’s Day related. It makes sense, though, doesn’t it? Your boyfriend doesn’t so anything “special” for you, so you throw a fit, this and that. Your girlfriend is busy all the time, etc. What is the big fucking deal about Valentine’s Day anyway?! It’s stupid, but hey, at least I get paid for helping out other girls choose their dresses for tonight.

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Tags: commercial holidays, holidays, Singles' Awareness Day, Valentine's Day

Punishment (27)

10.01.08

Posted under: Blog365, Life, Relationships, Thoughts

Through my sessions with my psychiatrist, we’ve uncovered that I have this knack to punish myself. It’s a disturbing thought in a way and I’m still unsure about how to deal with it. See, what happens is that when I feel that I’ve done something wrong, such as hurt a friend, hurt my parents, I take it out on myself. I feel that because of my wrongdoings, I need to be punished. Sometimes it’s through self-mutilation or just a mental beat down. There was even a serious event that landed me in the hospital.

The thing is, I honestly don’t know how to handle this. The logical thing would be to stop beating myself up, but I just can’t seem to find the strength to overcome this large obstacle that controls everything that I do because this contributes to everything from my low self-esteem to my fears. It’s not going to be an easy journey and I honestly have no idea on what to do.

Sometimes, I think that the reason why I’m so depressed right now about the whole Stockton Boy situation is because I feel that I need to be this hurt, I feel that I need to be suffering this much because I lost someone very important to me in the way that I did not want to lose him. He told me that I could have still had him as a good friend, but that wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more and when he moved on, it crushed me; it still does.

I’m sorry; this isn’t exactly the happiest post around, but that’s what blogs are for, right? If this is too hard for some of you to try and leave a comment on, then feel free to tell me about your thoughts on Valentine’s Day. Or comment on both topics; that works too.

Oh, one more thing. Please sign up for the SOTW and SOTM contests! So far, Julie has been the only one to submit applications and as much as I love her, she’s already got the plug on my blogroll and perhaps someone else deserves the chance? Links are in the sidebar.